Thoughts, fears, and worries...

My mind has been going a thousand miles an hour the last couple of weeks. Sometimes I just want to scream, sometimes I cry.  I am so lost on so many issues that I feel like I just need to get it all out. I just need to vent and try and work through what the right answer is to all this. So here it goes...

It all starts with the basics:
We are overwhelmed with medical debt: I don't know what to do with this. I am so overwhelmed on this issue it's tiring to even type it out. Two years ago I had a horrible car wreak that caused me to get a artificial hip, that combined with 3 trips to the ER because my poor husband passes kidney stones every couple of months and a lipotripsy (a procedure to break up kidney stones). All with no medical insurance. It's not like we didn't try and get some either, both me and my husband's jobs didn't provide insurance and we have been denied time and time again when we tried to pay out of pocket. We are not even knee deep with debt, it is over our heads and suffocating us. We have been working with a company that has been trying to pull us out of debt and for two years. We have paid $167 a month and haven't even made a dent. Sometimes I think we should declare bankruptcy, once we get medical insurance. I just want to have a fresh start, but doesn't that mean 7 years of that on our record. Will it even be possible to get a house? A car? OR is our debt so bad right now, that there wouldn't be a chance anyway?

Speaking of house, that brings me to another issue. We live with my husbands parents. They very graciously took us in after my car wreak two years ago ( I lost my job and in turn our apartment). We have been living here with them for 2 years and 4 months. We have been taking care of each other and I could never pay them back for all they have done for us. That aside, we have our moments where we drive each other crazy. We are two different families under one roof. They are retired and want their own space and we are a new family and want ours. We keep very different schedules and I know that we need to start looking for a new place,before we overstay our welcome.  But my question is where?
*An apartment? OR is that just trowing you money away? Is there enough space?
*A trailer? What about those tornadoes? Are trailer parks safe?
*A house? Will we be able to afford it? What happens if I want another baby? What happens is one of us loses our job?
*Rent to own? Or is that just one big scam?

Which brings me to my last worry...Working! I am officially going back to school for a 5 week  program to get my CNA (certified nursing assistant). It is 3 days a week, 8 hours a day away from my daughter. Now I know for some of you that doesn't sound like a lot. But I have been a stay at home mom for the entirety of my daughters life. The longest I have ever left her is 3 hours! Worst of all it is all during the day. I am so grateful that I have this opportunity but the thought of leaving my daughter just makes me sad. I know I am going to miss her terribly, however it is a big relief to know that her dad will be with her. I hope this will give them an opportunity to really spend some quality time together. Especially since he will have both full time work and school next semester and this summer is very precious to us. After I finish school, I will be putting in for work at our local hospital. They are hiring like crazy. That thought is even scarier for me. Going back to work! My husband just applied for a job that he will be required to work night shift. Which means two things,

Either I can take the 12 hr night shift, and we would have to find someone to watch Amy at night, but I would get day's with her. (who needs sleep anyway)
Or I take 12 hr day shift and know that one of us will be with her all night. However I'll lose at least 3 days with her during one week and 4 the other. Also I will have to find someone to watch Amy during the days
that my husband has college.

This also obviously means we can't have anymore babies for a long time. Not until we can get all this straight. but, for once I have comes to terms with that and I am ok....I just know if we ever plan to get on our feet I have to get a job. I can't watch my family struggle.We have been reduced to getting food stamps and medicaid for our daughter, just to survive. Two things, I never saw myself doing. I know I need to do something about  our debt, getting out on our own and as much as it sucks, I know it means me going back to work.I just hope and pray, that with me working full time and Jake working full time and going to school full time, that Amy still gets the attention she needs and deserves. That she knows that we love her more than life. That we are doing this for her to have a good life more than anything else. That we are doing the right thing by her. That is the thing I worry most about. That is the thing I cry most about. I never want her to feel second string. She is truly the most important thing is our lives.

I hope to one day, also get my medical transcriptionist (sp?), so I can stay at home with Amy forever and have my CNA to fall back on. I hope that with my husband finishing school and getting a engineering job, that here in a couple of years all this will be a thing of the past.  Maybe one day..

So there it is! All typed out...I know its no one's problem but my own, but I just needed to get it all out.

Tips on plane travel with a toddler/baby

Oh yes you read right, two words that don't belong together: Plane Travel and Toddler! However here is the good news. It is possible, if you plan accordingly.

Tips:

* Pack Light

I found out this one the out the hard way. I packed a huge stroller, a diaper bag, carryon, and my purse. I can honestly say all this with a wiggly toddler is overkill. I suggest you bring a small umbrella stroller, combine purse and diaper bag, and last if at all possible pack everything on your checked bag.

* Research Whats Free

For example, my first plane trip I had no idea that:

  -- your car seat is checked free

  -- your child under 2 flys free

  -- Your diaper bag nor your purse doesn't count as a carry on

  -- As long as your stroller folds it isn't counted as well

  -- You can bring liquid formula/ breast milk and no longer have to "test" it yourself.

* Cover your carseat!

You can either buy a carseat cover at babies r us for cheep and it is worth it. Last time we flew and used the provided "cover" the airline gives you (more like a trash bag) we ended up with some rips in our cover 

* Bring Snacks and at least 2 empty sippie cups 

Your child is going to get hungry, especially with layovers. It is a lot cheaper and tastier if you have their favorite fruit or goldfish instead of those stale airline peanuts. As far as empty sippie cups. You aren't allowed to take any liquids through security (excluding breast milk and formula), so fill them up with what ever you child drinks before you get on that plane. Believe me you don't have any room to coordinate when you get in that seat.  Also when you are in the lobby you might want to buy something that you can drink as well. I know those drink on the plane are free, but they are open and trying to juggle them and a toddler is guaranteeing  a spill.

*Be the last to board

I know when you get to the airport you are anxious to get in that seat, but believe me the less time in that plane you spend with a toddler the easier. An extra plus, 9 times outta 10 there are extra seats and after everyone had boarded, you and your toddler can have two seats all to yourselves. Totally worth it!

* Bring non electronic toys
Another lesson I learned the hard way. You cannot break our the ipad or cell phone until you are 10000 ft in the air. That gives you at least 20min interval flying up and landing. So in those intervals bring some favorite books, coloring books, and simple toys.

*Plan for naptime
I made sure to plan at least on of the plane trips around when my daughter would be sleeping. It was so nice to spend one of the two plane trips with a sleeping child.

*Bring a change of clothes and extra diapers (self explanatory)

* Map out the airports you will be in.
Especially if you have a layover this tip is a big help. It was such a big help to know where the places were to eat, where our gate was, and where the play area was.

Well I hope this will help at least one of you in the future!

Of course if all else fails your toddler could always play with their shoes : )

GOD BLESS!

wordless wednesday!

GOD BLESS!!

A double update! Amy turns 20 and 21 months old!!

During lent I missed updating on both 20 and 21 months.

Height: 33 inches and 29 pounds You are one tall pretty little girl!

Oh Amy you are become such a active, talkative,sweet toddler. You are growing so much right before my eyes. I can't believe the changes.

*Lets start with those words baby. You learn a new word every week it just amazes me! 17 new words baby! 37 words in all!!! I am so proud of you!

• Bless you
•  eyes
•  nose 
•  toes
•  thank-you
•  hello 
• dog
• no
• duck
• moo
•  meow
•  bye
•  mom
•  dad
•  paw paw
•  yucky
• fish
• Uh oh 
• Wow
• Stop
• go
• good
• done
• sorry
• ewew
• bite
• stuck
• baby
• up
• down
• shoes
• tickle
• hot
• nonnie
• sass (sassy)
• yaya
• tickle

When you are not saying these you are the master at babbling and trying to talk to us. You could and do babble all day. I love those conversations.

*Potty training AND Taking away the paci: Ehhh we let it go for now. With finding out about your asthma (a whole nother post to come). A two week trip to Texas, and teething. We decided you had enough on that plate. However get ready, that paci is going to start disappearing soon.

*Sleeping: You have graduated to a toddler bed!! Yup, no more side rail for you kid. You are free to run around your room. Also, you have kicked that 10pm bedtime to the curve and have gone back to sleeping from 8:30 pm to 7 am with a two hour nap at 1 pm. Honestly mommy loves your new sleeping schedule. Especially since you have gone back to sleeping all night in your crib! I only wish your video baby monitor didn't die this week. We can now only hear you. Mommy and daddy now secretly check on you  2-3 times a night even though we have a audio video monitor. Yup we are still first time parents :)

*Eating: You LOVE to eat! You especially love whole apples! They are your favorite snack at the moment. You also love your veggie/fruit juice. I am also proud to say you are not a picky eater on most days. You love everything from fish to steak and from broccoli to carrots.

*Playing: You still love to play. However this month you have started really playing pretend. You pretend with your barbies, your baby doll, even a rag. It is too adorable! I love seeing you use that imagination. You have also really gotten into tea parties. It is a dream to have tea parties with my daughter. It makes me so happy. You have also become very gentle with animals lately and that is a big relief. You are starting to understand "be gentle"." Last as far as playing is  you love to read! We could read books all day and you would be happy. Your favorites at the moment are: Go Dog Go and Its Time for Bed.

*New: The big new the last couple of months is you testing those boundaries. Oh me and your daddy are trying our best to find the perfect way to discipline you. It is a live and learn situation and we are all defiantly learning. It is a struggle at the moment, but we will get the hang of this soon right? Well until then I know it is an annoying one but it is a milestone so hooray for that.

*New: Another new for you is your independence. You no longer cling to mommy as much. Which is good, seeing as she will be in school next month 3 days a week for 8 hours a day. Talk about an adjustment. I think the longest I have ever been away from you is 3 hours. You are ready though. You are really enjoying the time with your daddy. And are already starting to have a opinion on what you wear. I enjoy letting you pick out your outfits. It is also always fun to see what shoes you bring me that day.

*Copying: You love to copy me and your dad. It is so funny to see you trying to put on mommies bras, or to pretend to put on make up. You sing along with us in the car. You follow your dad's foot steps all around the house. It is just a joy to watch you go.

Well that's it until next month baby girl! As always Mommy and Daddy love and adore you. We can't wait to see what is coming ahead. 

GOD BLESS!!!

I'm Back :)

To start off. I would like to say I missed all this. I missed blogger. I missed facebook. I missed all the adorable pics.  I missed all the new babies.

 However I enjoyed the time I had with my family and especially my awesome God this lent season. I have enjoyed the extra snuggles with my husband and  the mommy and me naps with my sweet girl. I have enjoyed not being tied to my phone or the internet. I have enjoyed using the extra time connecting and spending quality time with our Amazing God.  

 I have also come to the realization that in the past i spend way to much time on social media sights.I would posting about  I have also made the decision to limit the time I spend on these sights. So my posts will probably only be twice a week. I hope to use this sight for documentation of Amy's life and to get advice from other moms.

Posts to come:

Amy's 20 and 21 months update'

Amy's 2nd Easter

Tips on traveling on a plane with a toddler

Texas 2013
A toddler with asthma

and more to come :)

Glad to be back! God Bless!